Do not fear

"Do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not be dismayed for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

~Isaiah 41:10~

     Have you ever heard of SIDS?  It stands for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and the stats claim that it kills 7,000 babies every year.  When I was pregnant with Marcus that's all I heard about and once he was born, the fear of SIDS terrorized me.  Doctors and nurses said babies should sleep on their backs, avoid blankets and anything else in their cribs that they could cover their faces with and suffocate.  So what did I do?  Exactly what they said.  There is now nothing in Marcus' crib and he doesn't sleep with a blanket of any type.  He has a "sleep sack" to keep him warm at night, but that's it.  For the first 7 months of his life, this has worked out well, especially since he could only roll to his left.  When we put him down for naps or bedtime, we put him against the side of the crib, next to his left shoulder, and he was somewhat stuck, and would go to sleep.  Now that he can roll, scoot, and move around, this fear of SIDS has reared it's ugly head again.  Let me explain.
     The other morning, Mark went into Marcus' room before he left for work.  Marcus had moved around during the night and was on his stomach, sleeping.  As precious as this may have looked, it scares us both because we don't want him to suffocate, even though he was breathing fine, head turned to the side.  And again, yesterday when I put him down for a nap, he repeatedly kept rolling over, moving around his crib, then would get stuck and not be able to roll back over onto his back, so he'd get frustrated and cry.  I normally put him in his crib awake, but this time I wanted to rock him until he was allllllllllllmost asleep, and just to love on him some.  I thought, "If I hold him and rock him to sleep, he won't roll, therefore he'll go to sleep and be safe."  I don't know that I've ever heard the audible voice of God or not, but He plainly told me, as we were rocking, that even in my arms, if the Lord wanted to take Marcus, He could.  Marcus belongs to Him anyway.
     In my own controlling ways, I thought I could protect him, and to an extent, I can, but that's it.  However, all things that go on and that will happen to Marcus must first go through the Lord's hands, both good and bad.  Of that I have no control.  I can pray for protection and good health, but ultimately it's the Lord's decision.  So knowing all that, do I live my life terrified that God will just snatch away our child?  Do I put him in bubble wrap so he'll never get hurt (no, because he'd suffocate on that - joke).  Do I hold his hand, brush his teeth for him, bathe him, do his laundry, and spoon feed him until he's 25?  Uh, the answer is a resounding, "no."
     I will CHOOSE not to fear, because that's what God's Word commands me to do.  2 Timothy 1:7 says, "God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline." I will rely on his promises, rely on his grace, and rely on his TRUTH that He'll never leave me, nor forsake me (Matthew 6:24).  God is the creator and ruler of this universe.  His thoughts outnumber the grains of sand on the beaches (Psalm 139:18), he knows the number of hair on my head (Matthew 10:30), and He is WORTHY of my trust.
  

     I will not be scared any more.  I choose to trust Jesus in raising Marcus and rely on His Word for guidance.  Period.